Went to the S.F. Zoo this weekend. It was an extraordinarily nice day for the city and the zoo was a good place to spend it. I forgot how the S.F. Zoo was like since I hadn’t visited in a good 8 or so years since this visit. Last time, I was tutoring a first grade class when I took the kids to the zoo. I’m glad the zoo keys are still there, thought I didn’t find them in the Gift Store.

Some kid was feeding Rice Crispy treats to the peacocks that roam the zoo and I was able to get up close and personal with one of them:

We ended up seeing a bunch of other cool things – a Snow Leopard, a baby Gorilla, a bear fight, and a child being physically forced to “look at the monkeys!$)&#@*,” by his overly aggressive mother. If more weekends are like this one, life will be great!

Short post tonight – gotta get ready for a long work week ahead.

‘Tis all.

I’ll cut off here because there will be spoilers in this post. More after the jump.

John Cusack’s character, Rob, is proposing to his girlfriend, whom he has won back through this movie. This scene is right about at the end is probably the climax of the relationship arc of the movie. However, it’s not the proposal that interests me, it’s his discussion of the “fantasy” of the unknown, new girl he speaks about. Rob met another girl in a record store (which he owns), and begins flirting with her until he consciously stops himself before this conversation in the video. He realizes that as guys, we fantasize about women, not only in the sexual sense, but as our counterparts in some sort of relationship paragon we create in our minds.

I can relate.

When I meet some new and interesting girl, possibilities seem endless. I notice the good, the cute, the pretty, the exceptional. I then imagine how all those awesome attributes would fit in with me. Nothing seems to be wrong with her. Her hair flows the right way, her smile has the right tinge of innocence and her personality is both sincere and provocative. At that point, it’s hard for me to imagine what could be wrong if she and I were to start a relationship. And as a result, past relationships, or the sometimes, the current one, may be put into a disadvantaged perspective. Over the years, I’ve learned to cast these thought aside, and realize the reality of the situation  - that this perfect girl I created in my head is exactly that – created. I think about how wonderful the person I am with is, and remember these same first thoughts when I first met her. But it’s not always easy to do.

I think I learned this lesson young. When I was in elementary school, I was head over heels in love with this one girl, Michelle. I mean, at that time, I had no understanding of what a relationship was, but I understood how I felt towards her. In my mind, I slowly crafted her into this perfect girl. Even when she exhibited traits I didn’t really like, I would find my own mental excuses for her. But a really silly event occurred which shattered what I had concocted. One day, we played a game called “Sharks and Minnows” (except on the playground), and the teacher picked myself and Michelle to be the sharks. However, there was a caveat – we had to hold hands. My little heart leaped at the thought and I eagerly took her hand. In an instant, my image of this perfect girl was broken when  I was presented not with soft, gentle hands, but rough, calloused, bruiser mittens. She had good reason to have such tough skin – she was a gymnast, but it shocked me nonetheless. I never saw her in the same perfect light, again.

Now, I realize when we start long-term relationships, these types of small flaws are significantly magnified. The beautiful, the wonderful and the perfect are seemingly tarnished by the real, not to say they don’t exist, but they are never as pure as what you’ve imagined in your head that first time.

I’m in a long term relationship right now and we’re definitely past the part where we were blissfully unaware of each other’s flaws. However, I can tell you for certain that I will not be “shaken” or woo’d by some random girl at this point. Like this clip so wonderfully illustrates, there comes a point when I just realized these random girls will definitely have similar flaws, imperfections and let-downs. I, myself, have flaws of the same magnitude. I’ve realized that for two people to grow together, learn about each other to this degree and at the end of the day, still love each other deeply, is no easy affair. If you were to ask me at any point, in any day right now where, what and who, the answers would all involve her.

While we may always agonize over what-ifs and what-could-be’s, I think think I’ll never become blind to what perfection I already have.

@ 2:26 – Mos Def and Avon Barksdale from “The Wire.” Leeee-git.

Compare to anything from “808s..” damn how far he sank.

Reading up on the topic on the interwebs indicated that some had success with N wireless, which theoretically offers up to 300 Mbps of transfer speed. Of course, considering the real life issues with wireless data, the speed would be dramatically cut down.

So, after endless issues and frustrations here’s the need-to-do list for streaming success:

Router Configuration (this is the router setup page, sometimes at 192.168.1.1 – check manual for instructions)

1. If your wireless card or adapter cannot receive 5 ghz, don’t broadcast in 5 ghz . Although this will cut down your effecting transfer speed to 150 Mbps max, it will still be enough to stream them movies. Broadcast at 2.4 ghz @ 40mhz band.

2. Set the wireless security to WPA2-Personal, AES. I don’t know why this must be the security type, but for some reason, my wireless adapter would not even receive an N signal without it selected.

3. Select channel 6 to broadcast. I don’t know if other channels work, but for me, the adapter would be maxed out at 65 Mbps unless channel 6 was chosen.

Wireless Card or Adapter Configuration

1. Make sure your card can receive 5 ghz signal if you are going to use that signal.

2. Make sure your drivers are updated, and if it still doesn’t work, ensure the driver update isn’t a bad one. (Use Google!)

That should do it. I could stream a 16 GB mkv in H.264 pretty well after the set-up. The connection in Windows 7 read about 144 Mbps. I haven’t tried anything more demanding, but for my purposes, it seems to work fine.

Good Luck!

When people with higher levels of myopia visit the eye doctor, like myself, we get dilated-eye exams to check on the retina.  I’ve had this procedure done to my eyes each time I get a check-up since I was in high school. My most recent eye exam was 2 months prior, during which, the optometrist concluded that my retinas were in great health.

Fast forward to the beginning of 2010 and things are different. I know that if I see strange flashes or floaters, they may be indicators of a retinal detachment and I must seek medical attention immediately. However, I noted that descriptions of flashes were different than what I was experiencing, which was actually very hard to notice.  In addition, I had no severe floaters other than what I’ve seen my entire life.

Even so, I decided to go see an ophthalmologist, just to make sure. After seeing my family doc first (damn HMO), he indicated that the referral to the eye M.D. would be “urgent.” However, he told me not to worry, as flashes just happen sometimes. I first saw a optometrist who found a retinal tear in the lower right of my eye. He wanted a second opinion from an ophthalmologist who confirmed his finding. They both reassured me that nothing too severe was occurring and a tear was an easy fix, if a fix was even required.

I am then referred to a retinal specialist. I am pretty freaked out at this point. The worst medical incident I’ve ever had was a case of food poisoning. The retinal specialist was a lot more thorough and informative. He found another, much more severe, localized detachment in the upper right corner of my left eye. The retina had a larger tear there which had actually begun to detach. Way after normal office hours, he began to perform laser surgery on my left eye to save my vision.

Laser surgery is painless to the eye. It is NOT painless overall. It is a welding process where the retina is welded to the back of the eye using a focused, high intensity laser. (See: laser coagulation). There is a sharp pain as nerves in your eye are treated to the intensity of the light. It feels like a sudden, acute headache. The laser is not constant, but rather flashes whenever the doctor triggers it. After what seemed like hours, but was probably forty minutes or so, the procedure was done and my eye was sore and my head ached, but I could see.

The doctor had sealed several small tears in the lower right of my left eye. For the more severe localized detachment, he isolated the detachment using a method called demarcation laser photocoagulation. He basically sealed off the detached area so it would not grow out from my periphery.

I just had my first check-up a week after the procedure and the laser welds seem to be holding. Since I do have a detachment that is contained in the upper left portion of my eye, I have noticed some reduction in my peripheral vision of the lower right, as the eye is mirrored. Supposedly, I will eventually see a slight shadow on that end which decreases as the brain adjusts to the change.

There is some blurriness for me when it comes to near-reading which the doc said should clear up in the months to come. Apparently, the nerves behind the layer that was laser-treated have a role in the focusing in the eye. Since there is some swelling, it may take some time for my vision to clear. If not, some new glasses will be needed.

I’m still a bit concerned right now since I still suffer from flashes at times – though it is much less obvious. The doctor said it is possible that I will continue to see some for a while along with other visual artifacts (flickering) as the eye is healing and still irritated. If they increase in number or severity, I may have a problem on my hands.

Otherwise, things are okay. I’m pretty lucky as I found the issue early and was able to receive a less severe treatment because of it. (If the retina fully detaches, they must insert a silicon buckle over your eye, or insert a gas bubble to force the retina back).

I am very appreciative of all the friends and family who expressed concern and helped me through this otherwise pretty scary situation. And for those with high myopia (say, greater than -5.0, be sure to get your annual retina check-up and be on the look out for flashes, floaters, decrease in vision or shadows.

Wish me luck in the coming weeks that I can put all this behind me and worry about less important things, like cars and media centers.

‘Tis all.

I’ve been meaning to watch this film for a while. It really surprised me. I’ve heard a lot about the movie, especially what many people have told me was a “disappointing ending.” It IS a disappointing ending. I mean, the movie has a subtitle indicating that it is about a failed romance. What are people to expect? For me, the ending and the eventual scenes that move the movie towards that inevitable punch in the gut is what makes this movie really worth watching. ‘Cause for a movie that address the idea of love from a viewpoint of hope and willingness – go watch “Before Sunrise.” This movie isn’t about that. It’s about what love is, and not what we think it is. I think all the truly awesome movies about love are able to find that distinction. The fact that the protagonist writes greeting cards is a nice touch to the message, and the anti-message of this movie.

Of course there are a few things that were just strangely lacking. (1) Ending was great as a plot line, but the very, very last scene was a bit cliche and uninspired. (2) His sister is too good. Like, “yeah right” good. (3) We really don’t get to understand where Summer is coming from (hence that comic). However, if the audience were to be forced to dive into the intricacies of what drove Summer – we would be swimming with complications that would probably muddle the overall effect of the film. Even so, I’m left feeling a bit confused.

Now the good stuff. There’s a scene where we are treated to a split screen of what the protagonist expects, and what reality happens to be, and it’s absolutely awesome. We’ve all probably been to that place where we imagine what greatness a party, or a night can hold, but ends up being thoroughly disappointed. If this movie is remembered for one great aspect, it will be the commentary it has on how we imagine and idealize both the future and the past. It’s about how these unrealistic expectations and augmented memories hinder our ability to move on in a present that is overshadowed by the worlds and moments we garnish.

And like all truly good movies about relationships, the movie is excellent at portraying the only untainted moments – the present. It’s not the best movie ever, like how I felt after I watched “Before Sunrise.” But it’s something. And its no small feat to make a movie about love failing, and remind us so much about why love is worth it all.

‘Tis all.

]]> http://inkless.wordpress.com/2009/12/29/500-days-of-summer-whoa/feed/ 1 inkless http://fc02.deviantart.com/fs48/f/2009/207/0/d/0d52d47a95d4e8da010bc7947784ccc5.png http://inkless.wordpress.com/2009/12/22/sometimes-you-gotta-keep-writing/ http://inkless.wordpress.com/2009/12/22/sometimes-you-gotta-keep-writing/#comments Tue, 22 Dec 2009 09:00:11 +0000 inkless http://inkless.wordpress.com/2009/12/22/sometimes-you-gotta-keep-writing/ ]]> You know, it’s crazy to think about how long it’s been since I started this blog. Or what was happening then. I started writing this thing right before college. The only things I was sure about was how much I hated the town I went to high school and how I wanted the whole damn world to be different. Guess what? It is.

That town is still in a wretched place in my heart and years after it will continue to hold that special place alongside a certain useless coward of a harvard boy who I will still attempt to maim upon sight.

But aside from the hate for those things that need to be hated, everything has changed. The people in my life, the things I think about, and certainly what I write about inkless.

And what seemingly quick and dramatic changes. I live in mountain view now for God’s sakes. I earn a livable wage and spend my days doing things that certainly I would have never imagined myself doing when I first created this thing. But there’s things that will never change. For one, my need to write a little too much right before I go to bed.

Today, my mind kept jumping back to high school. To decisions I made, to failures and successes and everything in between. To falling in love, to recovering and trying it all over. Everything has been recorded in one way or another, on one medium or another.

And as I read through it all I realized that this life for me has never been one fractured moment upon the next. Reading posts from as far back as the beginning of high school, I’ve begin to understand how all these experiences have shaped my life thus far.

I know only a few passerbys read this thing, but damn if they read it fully from top to bottom, one could really get a sense of a person. But this post is for those who will never read it, but have been such a big part of every word I type.

It’s for the old friends who I won’t talk to again, but in a moments could hang out like if ten years was nothing. It’s for those little crushes, the longer ones, and the one person who shaped me into who I am today. I am and have always been sorry for leaving at a time like I did. I wish you all the best.

It’s for petco vans in the Castro, screw your canoes, and everything mentioned or not in between. Sometimes you gotta keep writing because you never want to forget.

‘Tis all.