Inkless

“I’m tired of the fantasy”

I ended up spending my evening watching High Fidelity on Hulu. The movie overall was pretty entertaining – nothing too special, except for one scene that really spoke to me. While Jack Black was really great in this film, sadly, he was not involved in the scene. Here it is:

I’ll cut off here because there will be spoilers in this post. More after the jump.

John Cusack’s character, Rob, is proposing to his girlfriend, whom he has won back through this movie. This scene is right about at the end is probably the climax of the relationship arc of the movie. However, it’s not the proposal that interests me, it’s his discussion of the “fantasy” of the unknown, new girl he speaks about. Rob met another girl in a record store (which he owns), and begins flirting with her until he consciously stops himself before this conversation in the video. He realizes that as guys, we fantasize about women, not only in the sexual sense, but as our counterparts in some sort of relationship paragon we create in our minds.

I can relate.

When I meet some new and interesting girl, possibilities seem endless. I notice the good, the cute, the pretty, the exceptional. I then imagine how all those awesome attributes would fit in with me. Nothing seems to be wrong with her. Her hair flows the right way, her smile has the right tinge of innocence and her personality is both sincere and provocative. At that point, it’s hard for me to imagine what could be wrong if she and I were to start a relationship. And as a result, past relationships, or the sometimes, the current one, may be put into a disadvantaged perspective. Over the years, I’ve learned to cast these thought aside, and realize the reality of the situation  - that this perfect girl I created in my head is exactly that – created. I think about how wonderful the person I am with is, and remember these same first thoughts when I first met her. But it’s not always easy to do.

I think I learned this lesson young. When I was in elementary school, I was head over heels in love with this one girl, Michelle. I mean, at that time, I had no understanding of what a relationship was, but I understood how I felt towards her. In my mind, I slowly crafted her into this perfect girl. Even when she exhibited traits I didn’t really like, I would find my own mental excuses for her. But a really silly event occurred which shattered what I had concocted. One day, we played a game called “Sharks and Minnows” (except on the playground), and the teacher picked myself and Michelle to be the sharks. However, there was a caveat – we had to hold hands. My little heart leaped at the thought and I eagerly took her hand. In an instant, my image of this perfect girl was broken when  I was presented not with soft, gentle hands, but rough, calloused, bruiser mittens. She had good reason to have such tough skin – she was a gymnast, but it shocked me nonetheless. I never saw her in the same perfect light, again.

Now, I realize when we start long-term relationships, these types of small flaws are significantly magnified. The beautiful, the wonderful and the perfect are seemingly tarnished by the real, not to say they don’t exist, but they are never as pure as what you’ve imagined in your head that first time.

I’m in a long term relationship right now and we’re definitely past the part where we were blissfully unaware of each other’s flaws. However, I can tell you for certain that I will not be “shaken” or woo’d by some random girl at this point. Like this clip so wonderfully illustrates, there comes a point when I just realized these random girls will definitely have similar flaws, imperfections and let-downs. I, myself, have flaws of the same magnitude. I’ve realized that for two people to grow together, learn about each other to this degree and at the end of the day, still love each other deeply, is no easy affair. If you were to ask me at any point, in any day right now where, what and who, the answers would all involve her.

While we may always agonize over what-ifs and what-could-be’s, I think think I’ll never become blind to what perfection I already have.

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